


As I Loose You Longer, Should Have Loved You Harder

by ArrowOlicityLover



Category: Neighbours (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-16
Updated: 2016-02-23
Packaged: 2018-05-21 01:02:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 12,442
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6032452
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArrowOlicityLover/pseuds/ArrowOlicityLover
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After their failed wedding, Paige decides to leave with Mary for Singapore. Mark has realised his mistake regarding how he handled things on their wedding day, & wants to make it up to her. He rushes to the airport, hoping to catch up with her. But is it all too late?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Don't Leave (Part 1)

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so I wrote this last year- when Mary was last around, & had offered for Paige to join her in Singapore. In the show, she never left- but it inspired me what if she had? Anyway, I ended up never posting it at the time. But last night's episode reminded me of it- when Mark was going to chase her to the airport. So I've tweaked this a bit to update it. And here's Chapter 1.
> 
> (Side note: For those reading my other Park fic, "I'm Not Letting Go"- that's still being written, so don't stress! I can multitask like a pro!)  
> Extra note: I published this a few days ago... And managed to accidentally delete the whole fic off here today, while updating it. So just reuploading it.

Waiting in the queue for the airport security has me anxious. My window is fast closing. _And if I miss it…_

_NO! I can't think of that!_

I keep my nerves hidden. If the workers spot my anxiousness, they could pull me aside for questioning. And that would slam my window shut.

I reach the conveyer belt, empty my pockets & belt into a basket, & push it along towards the machine. When signalled, I step through the metal detector. All clear. _Good_.

I go to my basket, stopping long enough to put my belt back on & shove my belonging back into my pockets. Then I head off for the gate.

****

I sigh, waiting at our gate for boarding. _This shouldn't be making me feel so nervous!_ A flight to Sydney,  & then on to Singapore. There wasn't a direct flight to Singapore that was leaving soon enough. This is a clean start- no more illegal car work to stress me out; no more looking over my shoulder, worried about Dimato & Michelle getting me again. And Mark won't have to worry about me. He can heal & move on. And so can I. _This is the right thing to do._

_Right?_

_So why do I feel so nervous?_

****

I run through the airport, desperate to reach the gate before it's too late. I don't even know what I’ll say to her. All I can think of is getting there in time to stop her.

And then I hear what I’m dreading- her flight to Sydney is now boarding.

_Shit_.

****

“It's time to board,” Mum says, but I only faintly hear it.

“Paige,” She says, placing a hand on my shoulder.

Her touch snaps me back from my thoughts into the world. I look at her. “I just… I need a minute.”

She nods. “Sure.”

****

It feels like forever, running through the airport. I turn a corner, up a ramp & into the large room where the gates are. I pause, just long enough to look for her gate. Of _course_ it's the far left corner one, past all the people!

I walk quickly, weaving through the crowd, praying I’m not too late.

I catch sight of her when I’m still too far away. She & Mary are almost at the front of the queue. I don't have much time.

The word leaves me before I can stop it.

“ _PAIGE!!!_ ”


	2. Don't Leave (Part 2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Can he convince her to stay & give them another chance?

_“ PAIGE!!!”_

I freeze. _Did I just hear him?_ I shake my head- I’m imagining it.

We step forward- just one more couple ahead of us.

“PAIGE!” I hear him call- closer & clearer.

There's no denying it. _He's here_.

“Mark?”

“Paige, it's our turn,” Mum says.

Ignoring her, I turn & scan the room. I spot him, weaving his way through the crowd.

“Paige?” Mum says, but it feels so distant. I can't stop focusing on Mark.

I duck, slipping under the divider, taking my carry-on bag hanging on my shoulder with me, & meet him halfway. As soon as he's close enough, the feelings I’ve been trying to break free from surface, & I throw my arms around him. He hugs me back, holding me tight. I can smell his sweat, letting me know he's been running. I’m glad that he chased me. There's still a bit of closure left to do.

“What-” I pull back. “What are you doing here?”

“I couldn't let you go,” He replies, hands on my hips.

This feels way to familiar- my hands on the back of his neck, his hands on my hips. The way we usually stand. _But we're not together any more._

“Don't…” He sighs, struggling not to cry. His voice breaks as he continues, “Don't go.”

I stare at him, shocked.

“I understand that you're hurt,” He says. “I'm sorry for humiliating you in front of everyone by arresting you. The other officers… It would have made a scene, & I thought it would be best to avoid that.”

“By _arresting_ your own fiancée?”

“I see that now,” He says. “But you made a promise to me, when we got back together. You _promised_ that we wouldn't lie to each other. And you _lied_.”

“I had my reasons.”

“You should have told me.”

I fight back tears. “I know. I was _so scared_ that I would loose you.”

He cups my cheek. “I could have helped, before it was too late. But you went & ignored my pleas. You ignored _every_ chance to tell me the truth. And now I’m in trouble because of it.”

I turn into his hand, closing my eyes. “I'm sorry.”

“So am I.”

“What do we do now?”

“Stay,” He says, softly.

My eyes snap open, locking with his.

“I get that you want space. But… What if staying is the right choice?”

“Paige! We have to go!” Mum says.

I look back at her. “Just one minute.” I turn back to him. “How do you know?”

“Because… Now that I’ve had time to get past the initial shock of finding all this out… I see that I went into auto-pilot & that _wasn't_ fair on either of us,” He says. “I should have stuck by my gut instinct that you were innocent, that they’d set you up. I let the lying get in the way,  & that was wrong.”

“ _Paige!_ ” Mum says.

“Just hold the _damn_ flight!” Mark says, angrily. He looks at me. “ _Stay_ ,” he whispers.

“I’ve got to go.”

“You don't have to," He pleads.

“Uh, yeah. My flight’s waiting,” I reply. “I'm sorry. Bye.”

I step back & turn away. I take three steps before he grabs my arm, spins me around & kisses me.

He pulls me flush against him as our kiss deepens. This is what I want- _him_.

 _But it's all too late_. I break the kiss.

“I love you,” He softly says, staring into my eyes. “I know I pushed you away when you needed me the most. But I _can't_ let you leave.” He cups my cheeks. “We can work through this. Maybe we were rushing it, marrying too soon.” He gently rubs my cheek with his right thumb. “Some day, I promise I _will_ call you my wife. Some day, I promise you _will_ be Mrs Brennan. Just give us another chance. I _can't_ loose _you_.”

Tears swell. _Why did he have to wait till now?_

“I’m sorry,” I reply.

I push off his chest, forcing him to let me go. I turn around, picking up my bag. I walk over to Mum, waiting next to the staff member. Everyone else has boarded. We get our tickets scan as I force my feelings back inside.

I can't bear to look back as I head into the boarding tunnel. Because if I do, if I see him breaking down, I’m going to change my mind.

It's already hard enough leaving my biological family- my _life_ behind as is. I admire him for taking a chance, for laying his heart on the line- for _fighting_ for us… But I _can't_ stay. I need this. I _need_ a clean slate.

_Even if it means breaking my heart._

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What will Mark do now?


	3. Waking Up Is Harder Every Day (We Fell Because Of Things That I Didn't Say)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mark struggles to move on. But when he finally begins the journey to live without the love of his life, something unexpected happens.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so this is a much longer chapter. Lots to cover. And there wasn't really an appropriate spot to stop... okay, I really wanted to have it end the way it is. So that meant a giant chapter.

  
Chapter 3: Waking Up Is Harder Every Day (We Fell Because Of Things That I Didn't Say)  
Summary:

  


The drive home takes forever. Well… _feels_ like it. I _can’t_ get her out of my head. The joy on her face when she saw me; the way she hugged me- the way she _kissed_ me. All that hope ripped to shreds in a _cruel_ twist of fate.

When I walk in the front door, Aaron’s standing in the kitchen.

“Hey,” He says. “How did-” He stops when he sees my face. “Please tell me you just missed her.”

I sigh, dropping my keys onto the bench. I hold the edge of the bench, resting my upper body weight on it. “I wish I could.”

Aaron’s shocked. “ _What?_ You _saw_ her?”

I slowly nod.

“And she still left?”

I slowly nod again.

“Oh, man. I’m sorry.”

I sigh, shutting my eyes- those two words echoing in my head, but in her voice. The last two she ever spoke to me. Probably _forever_.

“I’m going to bed.”

“You sure?”

I nod. “Don’t really feel like staying up.”

“Alright,” He replies, with a nod. “I’m here for you if you want to talk about it. Any time.”

I force a smile. “Thanks, Az.”

He pats my shoulder. “No worries.” He heads to the couch, but stops halfway & turns back to me. “Even though it didn’t work out the way to wanted… Good on you for taking that chance.”

****

I can smell her. That sweet scent that is _her_ , & _only_ her. The one I know all too well. I open my eyes, expecting her to be lying naked next to me, bathed in the soft morning light.

 _But she’s not_.

Groaning, I roll over, turning away from the empty side of my bed- _her side_. I haven’t felt this hollow since Kate died. It comes crashing back then. That I’d dreamt of her- of us making love slowly, tongues dancing as we kiss,  & holding her in my arms, whispering promises & calling her Mrs Brennan as we drift off to sleep. _I had it all. I had it all & now it’s gone_.

I pull the covers over my head as the memories of yesterday comes crashing back. _I just want to return to that dream!_

****

I wake to the sound of someone knocking on my door.

“Mark?” Aaron says.

I remain silent, still under the covers. I hear the door open.

“Hey, Mark,” He says, from somewhere near my bedroom door. “I know it’s hard for you right now… but you’ve got to get up.”

I still don’t speak, lying very still.

“Okay. You don’t have to talk to me. That, I understand,” He says. “But you _need_ to call your boss. You’re missing your shift, he’s called a number of times to find out where you are. I haven’t told him anything, but he sounded unimpressed. So just call him.”

A few seconds later, the door clicks shut.

****

Calling work wasn’t easy. Sarge wasn’t happy that I’d failed to turn up & hadn’t called in to explain. Faking being sick to cover up the fact that I’m wallowing in my own broken heartedness wasn’t easy.

“I’ll let it slide this time, Mark. Because you’re a good cop. One of the best stationed here,” Sarge says. “It’s frustrating when you called yesterday & requested you have this shift, even though records state you were meant to be off for the next couple of weeks. However, I’m willing to let it slide. But next time, I expect a call. At least a text.”

“Yes, Sarge. I will. Thank you.”

“Just get better as soon as you can.”

“I will, Sarge.”

****

“Ah, there he is! Finally out of bed!” Aaron says as he & Tyler walk through the front door.

“Ha ha,” I reply, grabbing a bottle of beer out of the fridge.

“Aaron told me what happened,” Tyler says. “I’m sorry.”

“ _Sorry?!_ ” I reply. “If it hadn’t been for your _stupidity_ , then she wouldn’t have been caught up in this Dimato mess & wouldn’t have needed to lie to me. We would be happily married, not ripped apart with her in a different country. Sorry just _doesn’t_ cut it!”

“Mark, that’s a bit harsh, don’t yo-”

“No it’s _not_ , Aaron!” I snap. “Tyler needs to learn that his recklessness impacts the lives of _everyone_ else around him, _especially_ the ones he loves. His family, his friends. And he _needs_ to be paying the consequences, not acting like he’s sorry for ruining the lives of those who care about him.”

“What are you going to do about it?” Tyler asks. “Beat me the way Dad did?”

“Tyler,” Aaron warns.

“No,” Tyler replies, shaking his head. He looks at me. “You’re just angry because you can’t have her.” He steps towards me as he continues, “Well, guess what? You’re not the only one she’s rejected. At least _you_ don’t have to be tortured every day by her being here while you mend your broken heart.”

Tyler’s now across the bench from me. We glare at each other.

“Get out.”

“Mark,” Aaron warns.

“No,” I reply. “Tyler’s no longer living here. I’m not letting him live under my roof. He needs to leave.”

“It’s his home too,” Aaron says, stepping up beside Tyler.

“It’s _my_ money that’s gone in to buying this place,” I reply. “Until he can provide a substantial amount for his share, I have the right to kick him out.” I look at Tyler. “You need to leave. _Now_.”

Aaron opens his mouth, but Tyler places his hand on Aaron’s shoulder.

“It’s okay. I’ll go.”

“No, don’t.”

Tyler looks at me. “I came because I know what it’s like to be rejected,” He says. “And I thought you’d appreciate the company of your brothers. I really thought you’d be able to put aside the ongoing anger you have for me & just let me be here for you.” He gestures with his hands. “Thanks for proving me wrong.”

And with that, he storms out- the front door slamming behind him. I turn & head for my bedroom.

“Hey,” Aaron says.

I stop in the doorway down to our rooms & look at him.

“Whatever happened to you being more like a brother & less like a cop?”

“Don’t you start,” I reply, before walking out.

****

As the days pass, I struggle to keep up a somewhat normal daily routine. It’s hard to move on when I can’t stop thinking about her.

It’s even harder when I realise how much of my daily routine revolved around her. Like going to Harold’s to get lunch or a coffee. The first day back at work I went to get a coffee from there. As I entered, I expected to see her hard at work. To not was just another painful reminder. Like a hard punch to the gut.

Three days after she left, Lauren was there when I came for my coffee. I could have easily popped into The Waterhole, but Harold’s make better coffees. Plus it’s comforting being here. This is the first time I’d seen Lauren since… it all happened.

“Hey Mark, what can I get you?” She asks from her spot at the coffee machine. She’s a lot cheerier than I was expecting, given I drove her daughter away.

“Just the usual take away coffee, thanks.”

She narrows her eyes, thinking. “Do you have time to have it here? I’d like to talk to you.”

I nervously swallow. “Uh…” I check my watch. _Spare time. Damn._ “Sure.”

“Great,” She replies, with a nod. “Grab a seat & I’ll bring it over.”

I settle at a table, wondering what she wants to discuss.

****

“There you go,” Lauren says, placing two cups of coffee down.

“Thanks,” I reply, pulling mine closer to me.

“You’re welcome,” She replies, sitting down across from me. “That’s on the house, by the way.”

“Oh, you don’t-”

“But I have. You’ve had a tough few days-”

“In which I drove your last child who still lives here not only out of Erinsborough, but the _country_.”

She smiles. “Regardless, you’ve had it tough. Let me do this.”

I sigh, knowing I can’t win. “Okay.”

She takes a sip of her coffee. “So… how are you?”

I raise an eyebrow. “You’re not mad at me?”

“Why would I be?”

“I broke her heart. On our wedding day,” I reply. “I arrested her, _humiliated_ her.”

“Being angry with you isn’t going to change things. What’s done is done,” She says. “Besides… You’re just as hurt by all of this as her. I can’t be there for her, so I may as well try to be there for you.”

I force a smile.

“So… how are you?”

“I’m… okay,” I reply. “I mean… I’m not sick. I’m just-”

“Missing her?”

I slowly nod.

“Me too.”

I sigh. “I just keep replaying her last words to me. I was _so sure_ she was going to stay.”

“I know it’s hard, to move on after losing someone you love. The first step is to let go of all the hate that you have for yourself. Don’t keep blaming yourself. You did everything you could.”

“But she left.”

“That was her choice, Mark. Blaming yourself will only cause you more pain.”

“I know… It’s just… I didn’t think that I’d ever love anyone as much as Kate. But I do. I love Paige,” I reply. “I didn’t realise my actions had hurt her, & driven her away because I was so blinded by my anger of her breaking a promise that I regret ever making with her because it caused her to fear seeking my help…” I close my eyes. “Paige… I love her. Really deep love.” I open my eyes. “But… She’s gone.”

She sips her coffee. “Well, I know it’s not the same, but… 21 years ago, I lost her too. And I got her back.”

“Yes. Twenty-one years later.”

She glares. “The point I was trying to make is… don’t give up hope that you’ll see her again.”

“It’s hard to see the right path when I keep thinking about her,” I reply. “Keep _dreaming_ about her.”

She gives me a sad smile. “The first few days- first week- is the hardest.”

“How did you get through losing Matt?”

She sighs as I take a sip of my coffee.

“Surround yourself with family,” She says. “Don’t try to deal with it on your own. There’s one key difference with you & Paige. She’s not dead. There’s still a chance that you’ll see her.”

“But there’s just as much of a chance that I won’t.”

“Never rule out either,” She replies, before taking a sip.

“So I’m supposed to live in limbo?”

“No,” She replies, placing her cup down. “You move on. Go back to normal. It’s going to take some time… but you will. Just like you did with Kate.”

I sigh. “I’m not sure that I _can_ go back to ‘normal’,” I reply. “After Kate… Paige came into my life. She brightened it up,  & now… I don’t have her anymore.”

“You’ll always have her in your heart. There’s no getting completely over a love like that. Just like there’s a part of you that still loves Kate, & a part of me still loves Matt,” She replies. “This will change your life. But what I meant by ‘normal’ before is, life will move on- you’ll go about your life in the same routine you’ve had for so long. It sounds hard now, but you will.”

****

That night, I find Tyler & Aaron at The Waterhole. Tyler greets me with a glare.

“Hey,” I say, stepping up to them.

“Hey,” Aaron replies. “How are you? You’ve been staying very much in solitude at home.”

“I’m… managing,” I reply. I look at Tyler. “I want to apologise.”

“Too bad. Not interested in hearing whatever lame excuse you have this time.”

I sit down across the table from him. “I’m honestly sorry, Tyler. I took it out on you.”

“Guess you & Dad have a lot more in common than you think,” He replies, lifting his beer glass up & taking a long sip.

“I’m _nothing_ like him, Tyler. I would _never_ hit you.”

“Not physically. But verbally.”

I clench my jaw. “You’re really stubborn, you know.”

“Guess who I learnt that from?”

“Okay, you two need to stop feuding,” Aaron says.

“I’ve said what I wanted to say,” I reply, standing up. “I wanted to apologise. I was angry at myself, & I took it out on you. Come back home, if you want.”

And with that, I leave.

****

A week after the day it all went wrong, things were slowly starting to get better. It doesn’t hurt quite so much, despite the fact that I still miss her incredibly bad. And then _it_ happens.

Aaron comes through the front door as I’m prepping dinner.

“Hey,” I say.

“Hey,” He replies, sounding sad.

I frown. “What’s wrong?”

As he walks over to me, I realise he has hold of our mail. He holds a large, yellow A4 envelope separately from the rest. He hesitates, before placing it down on the bench next to me.

“What’s that?” I ask, continuing to chop up vegetables for dinner.

“It’s a parcel,” Aaron replies.

“I can see that.”

“For you.” He hesitates. “From… Paige.”

My chest tightens. I place the knife down, & stare at the parcel.

“Do you want me to hang around? Be here while you look at it?”

I shake my head, swallowing the hard lump in my throat. “No,” I say, croakily.

He nods. “Alright,” He replies. He places a hand on my shoulder. “I’ll be in my room if you need me.”

I nod, forcing a smile. “Thanks, Az.”

“No worries.”

I watch him leave. I turn back to the vegetables, but… curiosity gets the better of me. I _need_ to know what’s inside. I grab the parcel  & cross to the lounge. I sit down, holding it in both my hands as I stare at it for a long moment, mentally preparing myself for what’s inside. _Hoping_ that it’s her reaching out to come back to me.

I tear the tab to open it, dropping the remains of the tab on the coffee table. I pull the contents out, finding it’s a protective pocket. I toss the envelope onto the coffee table, turning my focus on the pocket. I tip the contents out- a handwritten page, a smaller protective pocket of photos & a smaller, tightly wrapped package that I can’t see inside of just yet. I get the photos out, feeling my heart ache as I realise they’re all photos of the two of us. I then look at the handwritten page.

_Dear Mark,_

_I am so sorry for lying to you. I should have let you in, should have turned to you for help. But I knew you would be so furious at me for not trusting you more when you told me to stay away from Michelle. It was too late by the time I realised my mistake, & I tried to fix things without you. But that made things worse, & it cost me you._

_There is nothing more I want than to be your wife. But I broke your trust, our promise & our hearts. Therefore I understand that I won’t be Mrs Brennan. There’s no coming back from what I did to you, to us._

_I need to take some time away from Erinsborough. To heal & to work out what I want to do with my life. So I’m going to stay here in Singapore for a while. I’ve kept some photos of us, because you will always be in my heart. You were the first man I really loved, & I thank you for everything you gave me. But I also can’t keep the photos included in with this. I’m sorry to send them to you. But I couldn’t bring myself to destroy them. I’ve also included something else I should have left behind. Something that is yours, & you deserve to have it back._

_I’m sorry, Mark._

_I will always love you._

_Paige_

I note the tear stains on the bottom of the Paige. _This must have hurt her so much._

I turn my focus to the small package. I put the letter aside, picking up the small package. I lean back as I turn it around in my hand. It takes me a long time before I have the strength to open it. And when I do, when I peel away the layers to reveal its contents, it rips my heart out-

_It’s the keyring I gave her as her engagement ring._

I let the tears fall. _It’s over_.

****

I spend the next three weeks suppressing all my thoughts about her. Despite trying to move on, I’d put up a few of the photos of us she’d sent me- I can’t help it. I miss her _so much_. I need to learn to move on with my life. I have to fight hard when I get the urge to jump on the first available flight to Singapore  & beg her to fight for us with me.

One afternoon I get back from work, finding my brothers in the kitchen getting food.

“Want something?” Tyler asks.

“No, I’m fine,” I reply. “Thanks.”

He shrugs. “Suit yourself.”

“I’m going to get changed & have a swim.”

“Mark,” Aaron says, as I reach the door to our bedrooms.

I stop & look at him.

“It’s going to get better.”

I sigh. “I don’t want it to,” I reply. “I want her to fight for what we had.”

****

Swimming relaxes my tired body… until I remember how I used to swim with _her_. I try  & keep swimming, but it gets too much. So I pull myself out of my pool, dry off & head back inside.

****

I secure my towel around myself after my shower as I head down the hallway to the kitchen to grab a beer. But I hear knocking on the front door. _Impatient knocking_.

“Alright, alright! I’m coming!” I call.

I cross to the front door & yank it open to prevent more knocking. My jaw drops when I see who is standing there.

“Paige,” I whisper.

We stand there, staring at each other with tears in our eyes. Her eyes drift slowly down, taking in my still damp, naked torso. Her eyes drift back to mine, our eyes locking.

A loud _thud_ tells me she’s dropped her bag on the porch, but all I can focus on is her stepping forward. Before I know it, her hand is on the back of my neck, pulling me down to her as I slide my right hand onto her hip, my left into the small of her back just as our lips meet. Our kiss is rough, our bodies pressing against each other.

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wait... WHAT?!


	4. Could It Be This Was Just A Mistake?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mark comes to grips with the new turn of events.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Head's up- you're probably gonna cry. I did writing it. If you don't, you just might be a cold hearted person...

  


I break the kiss, stepping back & out of her arms. I step back further, seeing her shocked face.

“You're _not_ real,” I say.

She frowns. “No, I'm _real_.”

“No, no, you _left_.”

“And I came back,” She replies, stepping closer to me.

I step back & she stops.

“You _left_ ,” I say. “You disappeared off to Singapore & then sent me a letter to tell me that you weren't coming back any time soon.”

Her eyes fill with tears. “I… I changed my mind.”

“You're _NOT_ _REAL!_ ” I shout, & she jumps in fright.

“What's going on out here?” Aaron asks, as he walks out from the bedrooms. “ _Paige_?”

Paige looks at them & smiles weakly. “Hey.”

“Wait…” I say. “You can… You can _see_ her?”

“Yes,” Aaron says. He frowns. “Are you okay, Mark?”

I sigh, running both my hands over my face. “This is _not_ real,” I mumble. “It's just a _dream_.”

“No, Mark,” She says, placing a hand on my shoulder. “I'm here. This _is_ real.”

I shrug her hand off. I then step around her, giving both of them as wide a birth as possible as I head back to my bedroom.

****

I stand there, trembling from the shock. _That's not how I thought it would go._

“Come here,” Aaron says, stepping over with open arms.

We hug- I rest my head on his chest. And the tears fall.

“He’ll come round,” Aaron says, still hugging me.

“I hope so,” I reply. “Or I just took a really long plane trip for nothing.”

He chuckles. “It's good to see you, Paige.”

“At least one guy in this house is happy to see me.”

He pulls back & we part.

“He's just shocked to see you.”

I nod. “Guess I deserve it, turning up unannounced after all of this… & greeting him by kissing him like _none_ of this mess has happened.”

He looks shocked. “You _kissed_ him?!”

“I _knowwwww_!” I cover my face. “ _Stupid_ me!”

“No, it might actually work in your favour.”

I frown. “What?”

“He's been a mess for the last month,” Aaron says. “He misses you, has been struggling to pick up his life… He's struggling to live _without you_.”

I look shocked. _He's been struggling as much as I have_.

“Just… Give him some time to readjust to you being back.”

I nod. “I'm… I’m going to go see Mum,” I reply. “Uh… Lauren.”

He nods. “She'll be happy to see you.”

“Yeah,” I reply, with a smile. “Look… I’ll… Uh… I’ll drop in in the morning.”

He nods. “I’ll text you if he's still like this. Best to avoid him if he is.”

I nod. “I should have texted Mum, told her I was coming back. It would have given him time to prepare.”

“Nope, not really. He would still be like this.”

I force a smile. “I'm sorry for turning up unannounced.”

“Don't be. There's clearly something that needs to be sorted out between you two,” Aaron says. “It's really good you're back.”

“Yeah, well, it's good to be back. I just hope he lets me in long enough to talk.”

He pulls me into another hug. “He will.”

****

The next morning I keep checking my mobile for a text from Aaron all the way through breakfast.

“You expecting Mark to call or text?” Mum asks.

“No, Aaron,” I reply, sliding my mobile face-down out of my reach. “He was going to text me, warn me not to come if Mark’s still mad.”

“Annnnd?” She asks. “No text is a good sign, right?”

I sigh. “I hope so.”

She smiles reassuringly. “Look, if it makes you feel better, why don't you just send him a text. Find out what's going on.”

I nod. “Sounds good.”

She slides my mobile back over. I type in a quick text- _Hey, Aaron. How is he this morning?_ And then send it off.

****

Half an hour later, Aaron replies- _Hey. He's just had a shower after a long run. He's got work soon, so if you want to catch him, you better come over shortly. He's calm enough to see you again. Plus Tyler will be happy to see you._

I send off a quick reply: _Good. On my way._

****

I narrow my eyes at Az. “Who are you texting?”

“Oi, I have a right to have a private life.”

“Not when I’m in the middle of talking to you,” I reply. “You know it's rude to text while someone's talking to you.”

“Yeah, just like it's rude to call someone a figment of your imagination when they’ve just flown all the way from Singapore to see you,” Tyler pipes in.

“Shut up.”

“Just saying, that wasn't very nice of you.”

I glare at him as I hear footsteps approaching the front door. I look across as the fly wire security door opens, the main front door already open- my chest tightening as I my eyes fall on her. For weeks, I’ve wanted her back in my arms. But now that she's back… All I feel is hurt & anger.

“Paige!” Tyler says, leaping to his feet.

She smiles as he crosses to her.

“It's good to see you again, Ty,” She says as they hug.

“You too.”

“Come on, Gurtie,” Aaron says. “Let's finish breakfast out in the backyard.”

“You can say,” I say, bitterly.

Aaron gives me a hard look- _talk to her._

I sigh as he & Tyler grab their bowls & head out to the backyard.

“I’ve got to get to work,” I say, grabbing my keys & mobile off the bench.

I cross to the door, but she intercepts- placing a hand in my arm & I stop, glaring at her.

“We need to talk.”

“Later,” I reply, twisting my arm out of her touch.

I walk over to the security door, placing a hand on the handle.

“I haven't been able to get you out of my head,” She says just as I’m opening the door.

I stop, but keep my back to her.

“I dreamt of you on the flight over there,” She says. “I thought it would pass… That I was just missing you & trying to come to terms with everything. It's why I forced myself to send you that parcel. I thought I needed closure.” She sighs. “But I need _you_.”

I turn back to her.

“I should have come to you when Michelle told me she was setting me up, before it was too late. That mistake cost me you.” She forces a smile. “The irony of that. I was _so_ scared to loose you… I ended up driving you away.”

“You broke our promise.”

She nods. “You felt betrayed. I understand that now.”

“Why did you leave?”

“What?”

“When I caught up with you at the airport. I gave you the chance to work things out, & you still left.”

“I… I needed space.”

“So you left. You could have stayed here.”

“And what? Try to pick up my life when I live across the road from the man who has my heart but I lost because I was _stupid_ enough to betray him again  & again?”

“We could have worked things through.”

“That's why I'm _back_.” She steps closer. “I _can't_ move on because I love you. And it's clear that you love me too.”

“How do I know I can trust you?” I ask. “I opened myself up to you _completely_ , the way I haven't since Kate. And you _broke_ that.”

“I'm sorry.”

“Me too.”

I open the door, turning as I step out. I walk off without looking back.

****

“Oh, you're _really_ stubborn, you know that?” Aaron says to me as we stand in the kitchen that night.

I grab a beer from the fridge.

“You’ve been moping around for the last month, _pining_ after her,  & she _finally_ comes back, looking to mend things- which, in case you forgot, is _exactly_ what you’ve been wanting for the last month,  & what do you do? Send her packing just like an idiot would!"

“She _lied_ to me, Az!” I snap. “Time  & time _again_ , she hid things even though we _promised_ not to.”

“So why won't you give her the chance to make that up to you?”

And there's the question I’ve been trying to escape from ever since she returned.

“It's becoming pretty clear why she was so scared to talk to you about it when she had the chance to, before the police were investigating her,” Aaron says. “She knew you'd do this.” He steps closer. “You're _really_ in love with her. But you're being too stubborn to see what's right in front of you. Just let that anger go  & do what's right for both of you… & _fight_ to keep her in your life.”

He walks away, leaving me to think it all through.

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is it too late to mend things? Or has Mark blown his chance?


	5. All That I Want Is The Taste That Your Lips Allow (& To Hold You In My Arms)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Can Mark and Paige put it all behind them, and give their relationship another chance?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright! And it's all up now! Yaaayyyy!!! So what happened? For some reason, the site was saying this chapter was up twice (as chapter 5 & 6). I went to delete one, and it went and wiped the WHOLE thing! Thankfully it emailed me all the chapters, which has helped me put it back up!
> 
> But anyway... Enjoy!

  


I have the following day off, so I get up early & go for a run. No matter how hard I try, no matter how hard I push myself to run faster, I _can't_ get _her_ out of my head.

I’m almost home, when I can't go any further. So I stop & bend over, hands gripping my knees as I pant, sweat dripping off my face. It takes me far too long to notice I’m standing outside Lauren's. Outside _Paige's_.

“If you're looking for her, she's not there,” I hear Imogen say.

I look to my left, seeing Imogen walking across the road to me.

“Hey, are you okay?” She asks. “How hard did you push yourself?”

I straighten, wiping sweat off my face with my hands.

“I’m fine,” I reply. “What… What did you say about her?”

“What? Ohhh, _Paige_!” She says. “Yeah, uh… I just meant, she's not home.”

“Has she returned to work at _Harold's_?”

She shakes her head. “No, she's at Eden University.”

I frown. “Why?”

“Why do you care? You're the one that not only _arrested_ her _instead_ of marrying her, but then when she was found to be _innocent_ , you _dumped_ her.”

“She lied.”

“In an attempt to preserve her relationship with you!”

“Okay, I admit I was wrong. I acted impulsively, & I know I hurt her. So why don't you stop biting my head off. Cause you were the one that started this conversation.”

“Well, all I wanted to say was she's gone to University,” She says, before walking away.

I stare after her, watching her go back into her home. My eyes then drift over to Paige's house. _I miss crawling into bed & holding her as we fall asleep after a long day._

****

I have a shower & decide to sit out on the verandah for a while. I’m out there for a few hours when I look up in time to catch sight of her. She's walking up the street to her home, & even though she’s too far away to see her face, I can tell she's having a bad day.

Before I know it, I’m jogging down my driveway & crossing the street to her.

She reaches the end of her driveway just as she spots me, & I see her sigh as she stops.

“Hey, are you okay?” I ask, stepping over to her.

“Do you really care?” She replies flatly, giving me a hard stare.

I sigh. “I still care about you.”

“If you still cared, you wouldn't have done what you did on what was _supposed_ to be our wedding day.”

“Arresting you was a mistake,” I reply. “But I thought it would be worse if the other officers did. I was trying not to make a scene.”

“Shame that backfired for you.”

I sigh. “I'm sorry I humiliated you,” I reply. “I just wanted you to talk to me about the robberies. But you were avoiding it, _begging_ me to marry you.” I step closer. “I’d slipped into autopilot by then, the cop in me taking over,  & I just _couldn't_ forget about you lying to me about Michelle. I couldn't let it go  & marry you. Not just because I was _devastated_ that you’d been lying, after _all_ the times I’d warned you about being around Michelle… But because I _knew_ that the other officers were on their way.” I step even closer, well into her personal space. “I was _trying_ to _protect_ you. Can’t you see I was trying to spare you from the greater humiliation of being arrested mid-ceremony? I wasn’t going to start our wedding while pretending that I didn’t know they were on their way.” I lick my bottom lip. “I _wasn't_ going to let you be pulled away for questioning in the middle of our wedding.”

Tears fill her eyes. “So why didn't you tell me that? Why didn't you say that to me that day? You could have told me that at _any_ point that day, but instead you just kept being angry.”

I look at my feet, trying to push back my own tears. “I wanted to,” I say. I lift my head up, looking at her again. “I _really_ wanted to. But… You were _so_ insistent on just getting married… I got angry… Frustrated.”

She swallows, hard, & then nods. “So… We both made bad choices in how we handled things that day.”

I nod. “Yeah,” I softly reply.

She places her hand on my left shoulder, lightly rubbing her thumb back & forth along the line of my shoulder.

“I’ve missed you,” She softly says, hand sliding down to my bicep.

I smile. “I’ve missed you too.”

She steps closer, eyes locked with mine. She places her hands on my sides, curling her fingers into fists, gripping my shirt for support as she rolls onto her tiptoes, reaching up to kiss me. Our noses brush, her lips so close to mine- I finally have what I’ve wanted for the last month, &… I pull back.

She sinks down, till her feet are flat on the ground, & then steps back, withdrawing her hands from my shirt to her sides as she looks at the ground. “Too soon, huh?”

I take her chin between my right finger & thumb, lifting her head to look at me as I step forward. I place my left hand on her waist, pulling her just that little bit closer. My gaze drops to her lips, & I bite my bottom lip at the thought of capturing them with mine once more- the one thing I’ve longed so much to do since seeing her standing there in her wedding dress. I drift my eyes back up to hers, holding our eyes locked for a long minute. I then slide my fingers of my right hand along her jawline as I lift my left hand up & cup her face with both hands. I stare into her hazel eyes just that little bit longer, until I can't take it anymore. I slowly lean in, pausing for a second as our noses brush.

“No,” I whisper, & then claim her lips with mine.

She kisses me back, eagerly, going up on tiptoes & presses her body against mine. Her arms band around my neck, her right hand sliding up into my hair, giving me no way out- not that I want to leave this yet. I drop my hands, wrapping them around her waist & lifting her up with ease. She wraps her legs around my hips. _Oh, how I’ve missed this!_

We break our kiss, resting our foreheads against each others, our panted exhales mingling in the small space between our lips.

“We should…” She pants. “We should take this inside.” She takes a few deep breaths. “Before it goes any further.”

I nod. She unwraps her legs, & I lower her till she's standing. We stand there for a moment, neither one wanting to let go. Eventually we do, & she slips her right hand into my left hand as she turns around. She leads me down the driveway & up the steps to the front door. She digs around in her handbag for her keys, & I can't help but wrap my arms around her waist, pulling her flush against me. I lean down & kiss her exposed neck- she fails to suppress the moan, her hand failing to slide the key into the lock.

She finally gets the door unlocked, hampered for several minutes by me kissing & lightly biting her neck. I let her go & she giggles as she stumbles through the front door. She turns back to me, & seductively gestures with two fingers for me to step closer. I do so, smirking as I close in. I wrap my arms around her, effortlessly lifting her up & her legs wrap around my waist. She pushes the door shut, before wrapping her arms around my neck. I turn to my right, claiming her lips once more with mine as I slowly walk down the central hallway, bound for her room.

I turn into her room, still kissing her as I walk towards her bed. She dumps her handbag on the floor halfway over. I place my right knee on the bed, gently lowering her onto her back, pulling my left leg up till I’m kneeling between her legs, my torso pressed against hers. Our kiss deepens, getting rougher as our bodies rub against each other. She rotates her hips, rubbing herself against my hardening erection- I grip her left side, moaning into her mouth. And then we’re rolling around so we can pull each other's clothes off, only breaking our kiss for mere seconds to take our shirts off.

We make love right there, on top of her quilt. Over & over again until we're too exhausted. We crawl under the covers, & I pull the covers up. We lie on our sides, facing each other, & wrap our arms around each other. I slide my right hand into her hair, letting my fingers get entangled in her soft, brunette locks. I place a kiss to the top of her head, before resting my right cheek on it.

We fall asleep like that.

****

As I slowly wake, I prepare myself for the empty bed. _I dreamed that we reunited._

_Right?!_

I don’t want to open my eyes, don’t want the painful reminder that we’ll never be together again. I turn my head, trying to make it dark enough to trick my brain into letting me sleep more. Strong yet gentle arms tighten around me, the comforting warmth of another body pressing against me… & the overwhelming of my nose as his scent rushes in as I inhale.

_Maybe it wasn’t all a dream…_

I slowly open my eyes, met by super close, out-of-focus skin. I pull back slightly, taking in his bare chest as it slowly rises & falls as he sleeps.

I tilt my head back further, looking up at his face, wanting to double confirm that it’s really him & not someone else. I smile as I take in his face. He looks so peaceful… _Happy_. His hair is all ruffled, a few strands flopping forward  & brushing his forehead.

I rest against his chest the way I had been. I can hear his heartbeat. It’s so comforting. And I’ve missed it as much as I’ve missed him. I fall asleep with one thought running on a loop-

_I never want to leave his arms ever again._

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just wanna say- the mention of her being at Uni was intended to be a lead-in for the Park talk. She was going to open up to him about her bad first day, and they were going to bond through him showing her support. But when I was writing it last night, it paved its own way, and I ended up going away from that and just going with what it wanted. Which is what is in this chapter. I find that I can plan it out in great detail, and then throw that plan out the window while writing. But I do think it'll come back in next chapter.


	6. Working Things Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Paige & Mark are together again. But can they put all their past mistakes behind them & have a happy ending?

I gather some snacks & drinks for us, having spent the early evening swimming in the pool. I’m almost finished, when I hear Mum get home. I want to sneak outside with the tray & avoid her, but by the time I get everything back in the fridge, I hear her coming in.

I stand as casually as I can by the island bench, watching her as she carries in several bags of shopping.

“Oh, hey sweetheart,” She says, placing the bags on the bench. “How was Uni?”

I sigh. “Horrible.”

“I'm sure it will get better in a few days,” She says, putting the shopping away. “Is that why you went for a swim?”

“Yeah, kinda.”

“Kinda?”

I hear the door from the laundry into the backyard open, & my eyes widen as I realise it’ll be Mark. I try & signal for him to go back out but-

“How's the snacks-” He says, cutting off as he sees my frantic gestures.

I cringe as Mum turns around from the cupboard. I bite my bottom lip, waiting for Mum's reaction as she & Mark look at each other. Mark’s still a little wet from our swim, his towel wrapped around his waist; his hair messed up like he's just run his hand through it. Absolutely _gorgeous_.

Mum looks from him to me, back & forth for a long moment.

“Are you two…” She says, pointing between us.

Mark & I look at each other.

“Well… We haven't discussed it properly…” I say. “But… We're working it out.”

Mum smiles, tears filling her eyes. She then crosses to me & hugs me. I look at Mark, surprised, & he just stands there trying to hide his laughter.

Mum pulls back, placing her hands on my cheeks.

“I'm so happy for you.”

I smile. “Thanks, Mum.”

“It's really good you two are giving it another go,” She says. “I really think you can work it out.”

I smile. “I really hope so,” I say, looking at Mark.

“Would you like to stay & join us for dinner?” She asks Mark.

Mark looks at me, eyebrow raised. “Uh… We haven't discussed that.”

“You can stay if you want.”

“You know what? I’m going to call Brad, & I’ll arrange to have dinner at The Waterhole,” She says. “That way, you two can have the place to yourself. You can cook & talk… Or not talk.”

“ _Mum!_ ” I say, shocked.

“What?” She asks, trying to look innocent.

I look at Mark. He just shrugs, trying not to laugh.

****

We cook, eat & clean up, discussing our days. We then settle on the couch, both lying down- just like we had after we reunited last year.

“You know you can tell me anything,” He says. “I don't want you to feel like you can't seek my help. I don't want that coming between us again.”

“I’ve learnt my lesson. I'm not going to do something stupid ever again.”

He tucks some of my hair behind my ear. “You have a good heart. Michelle played you.”

“And I was dumb enough to ignore the warning signs.”

“Looking back at it, she was damn good at making it sound real. You just let your good heart guide you… Just like I let my job drive a wedge between us.”

I pout. “You were just looking out for me.”

“I made you scared to tell me what was going on because you knew I would get angry at you. And by the time I did know, it was too late to help you,” he says, cupping my cheek. “I promise you, I’m not letting it come between us _ever_ again. You come first.”

“Oh, you don't have to do that, Mark.”

“But I do,” he says. “I’ve destroyed our relationship twice because I let it get in the way. I can't live without. I _don't_ want to live _without_ you.”

My eyes fill with tears.

“The night before what was meant to be the day we married, you said that I’m married to my job. And I need to learn that I can't keep doing that. I need to let you in more. And stop treating you like a child when I’m trying to protect you.”

I nod. “And I need to learn not to rebel every time you try & look out for me.”

He smiles. “Looks like we both have some growing to do.”

I smile. “But we’ll get through it together.”

His smile grows. “Indeed,” He says, closing the gap & kissing me.

“Oh, _woah!_ ” Mum says, causing us to quickly part & sit up.

She & Dad are standing in the doorway, both looking embarrassed.

“We're sorry,” Mum says. “Didn't mean to intrude.”

It hits me what she thought was going on.

“Oh, no! _No_! We weren't about to…” I reply, taking a moment to wipe the thought from my mind. “I would _never_ do that on this couch.”

“Oh, good!” She says, looking _way_ too relieved. “We were going to have a tea before going to bed. Would either of you like one?”

“I'm fine, thanks, Lauren,” Mark says.

“That's okay, Mark. How about you, sweetheart?”

“No, thanks,” I reply. I stand up. “Actually… I'm pretty beat. I’m going to go to bed now.”

Mum nods. “Okay. Sleep well.”

I nod. I look down at Mark, who is sitting & looking up at me.

“I want you to stay,” I reply, softly so only we can hear. “I miss the feeling it gives me when you're sleeping next to me.”

He nods, standing up.

“Night,” I say to Mum and Dad.

“Night,” They say in unison.

We get ready for bed- I grab a spare toothbrush for him, before we crawl into my bed. He lies down, shifting to be right behind me, & wraps an arm around me, pulling me flush against him. It doesn't take long for me to fall asleep.

****

The next morning, I wake early, too many troubling thoughts running through my head. I stare up at the ceiling, trying to make sense of them.

My life is a _complete_ mess right now- I let a woman who I knew was trouble into my life,  & it cost me Mark. He’s forgiven me, but… It's not easy to forget that it happened. I keep letting him down, keep abusing his trust & I keep lying to him. I keep letting things spin out of my control, & it destroys my relationships. _I cause nothing but pain_.

I look at him- so peaceful when he sleeps. _I’m not worthy of his love. He deserves someone better._

****

I hide my doubts from him when he wakes. He shouldn't be burdened with them. Not yet. I know I should come clean, I know I should be honest with him, but maybe I’m just having these doubts because we're working out how to be together after I betrayed him.

After breakfast, he leaves to go get changed for work, kissing me goodbye & promises to see me tonight. I get ready for another day of checking out classes at Uni, & head out to meet Imogen outside. We head off to Uni together.

“What's with the long face?” She asks, as we walk into the courtyard at Uni. “I’d thought you’d be happy cause I saw Mark leaving your place looking the happiest I’ve seen him in over a month.”

“It's... nothing.”

She steps in front of me & we stop.

“For a woman who just reunited with the love of her life, you look miserable.”

I sigh. “I _can't_ get this thought out of my head,” I reply. “No matter how _hard_ I try, this bad thought _won't_ budge.”

“Okay, we are discussing it. And I _refuse_ to let either of us move till we have.”

“I feel like my life is a mess, & that Mark has his in order. He has a house, & a reliable job… &…” I sigh. “I don't know what I want to do with my life. I’ve messed up over & over, & I… I just don't _know_ what I want.”

“It's understandable that you feel confused,” Imogen says. “You’ve had a lot going on lately… & it's shaken everything up.”

“I just feel like… He's so much further ahead of me. And it's not the age gap. That's been something we’ve always worked with. It's the fact that we’re at different stages of our lives. He wants to settle down and have kids, & I don't see myself having any till I’m at _least_ the age he is now.”

“Paige, have you _seen_ the way he is with you? He's willing to wait for as long as it takes for you to be ready. He'd give up _everything_  for you."

I sigh. “It doesn't feel fair to make him wait.”

She watches me for a long moment. “ _Noooo_.”

“What?” I ask confused.

“Do _not_ go breaking his heart again.”

“What are you on about?”

“You’ve got that look.”

“What look?”

“The one you get when you're over thinking something & it usually ends with you doing something absolutely _ridiculous_ like dumping him because you're freaking out,” She says, surprisingly without taking a breath.

I don't reply.

“Before you make up your mind about this,” she says. “You know what you should do?”

I sigh. “Talk to him.”

She nods. “Confide in him. It's the right thing to do, when you're having doubts as big as this. He should have the chance to help ease them.”

I nod. “You're right.”

“I’m _always_ right.”

I roll my eyes, & then sigh. “I’ll talk to him tonight.”

****

  
That evening, I walk up Ramsay Street & stop at the bottom of his driveway. He’s expecting me, but I’m nervous. Nervous about opening up to him about my doubts. We're just starting to pick up the pieces, & here I am about to throw another spanner in the works.

I sigh, closing my eyes.

_“We have to be honest.”_

I swallow, hard. I then open my eyes.

“You can do this, Paige,” I whisper to myself.

I then walk up the driveway, up the steps and over to the front door. I open the flywire door, & reach out my right hand for the main door’s handle, fingers brushing the cool metal. I take a deep breath in, slowly letting it out, & twist the handle…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What will happen when Paige opens up to Mark?


	7. If I Stay (Will You Hold Me Again?)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Paige opens up to Mark... With a shocking twist.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Tissues required.

I’m watching TV when the front door opens. I look over my shoulder, seeing that it's her, before muting the TV as I stand up.

“Hey,” I say, smiling as I bend my knees so I’m on her level. I wrap my arms around her waist & kiss her.

“Hey,” She says, wrapping her arms around my neck & kissing me again.

I pull back, noticing the sadness in her eyes. “Did you have another bad day at Uni?”

She shakes her head.

“What's wrong?”

She slips out of my arms, stepping round me as she avoids eye contact. She slumps down on the couch, & it makes me very worried. I walk around the couch, sitting down beside her & face her. I place my hand on her left knee.

She rests her head on the back of the couch, staring up at the ceiling for a long moment. She sighs & looks at me.

“I feel like we're at very different stages of our lives,” She says, sounding so sad.

“Is that a problem?” I ask, rubbing her knee.

“When I’m feeling like I’m holding you back… Yes.”

I shift closer. “Babe, you're not.”

“But I _am_ ,” She replies, tears filling her eyes. “You have _so_ much more than me. You have your dream job… You have this house… You… You know what you want from life.”

“I do _now_ , but… Trust me, there was a time when I _didn't_ know what I wanted to do,” I reply. “Dad wanted all of us to be mechanics, working out of his business that he was going to turn into a family business.”

“But you followed your heart.”

“I did, but the point is… It's okay for you to be confused. Everyone goes through it.”

She pouts. “I don't deserve you.”

I smile reassuringly. “Yes, you do.”

“All I’ve done is cause _nothing_ but trouble for you.”

“That's not true, Paige,” I reply, cupping her cheek. “You brought the light back into my life after I lost Kate. And everything with Michelle… I understand it's because you were either trying to protect your brother or you were sucked in because you have a good heart.” I gently rub her cheek. “I'm in love with you, Paige. I’m _so_ in love with you, it drives me crazy.”

“I know. I'm in love with you too.”

“So why do I feel like you're letting these doubts come between us?”

“Because it's not _fair_.”

I frown. “What's not fair?”

“Making you wait,” She replies. “Making you put your life on hold because I’m not ready.”

My frown deepens. “Is this about us having a baby?”

She nods.

“Oh, babe! I will wait! I don't care!”

“It's _not_ _fair_.”

“No, no it _is_ , Paige,” I reply. “I will wait ten… Fifteen years… _however_ long it takes. I _will_ wait till you're ready.”

“You shouldn't have to.”

“But I _want_ to.”

She sits up, pushing my hand away.

“I don't want you to keep putting your life on hold for me,” She replies. “Not when I continuously destroy us.”

I sit up. “I don't care if I have to wait. I’ve found the one I want to be with for the rest of my life. That makes the wait _worth it_.”

She looks at me, tears rolling down her face. “You're too good for me.”

“But I love that we're so different. I love that you're the opposite of me. It just _works_. We push each other… We make each other better than we are on our own.” I take hold of her hands. “I love you. I love _everything_ that you think as flaws. Because not everyone is perfect.”

“You give up so much for me,” She says. “I feel so bad that I’ve barely given up anything.”

I cup her face with both hands. “I will sacrifice _everything_ and _anything_ for you,” I say, feeling tears sting my eyes. “Because being with you is worth sacrificing whatever it takes if it means that I have _you_.”

“Even if I’m not sacrificing the same amount?”

“Babe, it's not about being even. You don't _have_ to be even. You pick your fights, and sometimes you win more than you lose. But I am fine giving up so much more than you. I _don't_ care about it. As long as I have _you_.”

She sniffles. “I need… I need to figure out who I am.”

I smile reassuringly. “And I’ll be there by your side, supporting you as you do.”

She shakes her head. “I can't ask you to do that.”

“You're not. I’m offering.”

She hesitates. “I need…” She takes in a deep, shaky breath. “I need to do this on my own.”

And it hits me- I know where this is going.

“No, no, _no_! Stay with me, Paige! _Fight_ with me. We _can_ do this,” I say, gently rubbing her cheeks with my thumbs. “ _Together_.”

She cries, gripping my wrists for support. I pull her against me, our arms wrapping around each other. I hold her tight, burying my face into her hair as we both cry.

After a long time, she pulls back. We look each other in the eye.

“I need to do this on my own,” She says. “I feel like I need to be independent while I do this.”

“You can be independent without loosing us,” I say. “You can have all the space you want. I won't get in the way.”

“I _can't_ keep expecting you to put your life on hold.”

“I _don't_ care. _I love you_.”

“And I love you.”

“So don't sacrifice us.”

She doesn't reply, she just looks at me.

“Paige…”

“I _have_ to do this.”

I cup her face with both hands. “You _don't_ have to do it alone.”

She nods. “Yes… I _do_.”

“ _No_.”

“Mark-”

I cut her off by claiming her lips with mine. I hope that she feels everything that I feel for her through this kiss. Neither of us can break it. Every time one of us starts to pull back, the other chases them. By the time we do break, she's holding the sides of my shirt tightly, our foreheads pressed hard against each other & our eyes closed.

“This isn't for forever,” She whispers.

“You don't have to do this,” I whisper, pleading. “ _Stay_.”

“Let me go.”

“ _No_.”

“Mark… We can't be together,” I reply. “At least, for now.”

“I will _never_ stop fighting for you.”

I can feel her smile.

“I know.”

“I will _never_ stop loving you.”

“And I you.”

She pulls her head back, & I feel her press a long kiss to my forehead. Then the couch shifts slightly as she stands, her hands slipping into mine & holding them until she's past me.

I keep my eyes closed for a long minute, not wanting to see the world.

But when I do, I find myself alone.

_Again_.


	8. To Have To Let Go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The fallout from Paige's decision, leads to a surprising end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another emotional chapter. Sorry, all!!!

I walk in the front door at home, hearing Mum & Dad in the kitchen/lounge. So I quietly shut the door, & quietly head for my room.

“Paige?” Mum asks, just as I’m passing the door.

I stop, closing my eyes. _Just let me keep going to my room!_

“I thought you were having dinner with Mark?”

“I'm pretty tired. I'm going to go sleep,” I reply, not looking at her. I take a step towards my room.

“Hey, come talk for a few minutes.”

I sigh, slowly turning towards the lounge, praying my mascara has held out through my crying. They're sitting at the table. I cross halfway & then stop.

“I just want to sleep.”

“Have you had another bad day at Uni?”

“I'm just exhausted. It's been a long day.”

“I’d thought you'd want to be with Mark to relax.”

I sigh. “Yeah, well… That's not going to happen any time soon.”

“He's hurt you again, hasn't he?” Dad asks.

“No.”

“Don't defend him if he has, Paige.”

“Dad.”

“You come home upset & saying what you have, it's hard not to think he's done something to hurt you.”

“He hasn't done anything.”

He stands. “I’m going to talk to him,” he says, heading for the door.

“Please, Dad, _don’t_!” I beg, as I hold his arm..

“He needs to stop breaking your heart.”

He steps past me, & I close my eyes. I know I can't hide it any longer.

“DAD, _I BROKE UP WITH HIM!_ ”

I see Mum's shocked face first. And I slowly turn around to see Dad- he’s standing near the door, staring at me.

“All of this mess with Michelle & Dimato… It's made me realise that I _don't_ know what I want to do with my life.”

“And breaking up with the man that you love factors in… How?” Dad asks.

“I just… I need time to figure out who I am, & I _can't_ do that if I’m stringing him along.”

“Awww, sweetie,” Mum says, crossing to me. “You're not stringing him along. You love each other.”

I look at her. “Which is _exactly_ why it was _sooo_ _hard_ letting him go.”

“Can't you do all of this with him?”

“I haven't been able to stop thinking about this _all_ _day_ ,” I reply. “And I keep going over & over & over _all_ of the _stupid_ things I’ve done…  & how I’m holding him back because he's ready to settle down & start a family, but I still have _so much_ travelling  & other things to do, & it's just not fair keeping him from having that.”

“Surely you can find who you are without breaking up with him.”

I shake my head. “I just need to be alone.”

“Even if it means breaking your own heart?”

I nod, struggling to keep back tears. She hugs me.

****

“Easy, Mark!” Az says, as the billiard balls hit each other at high speed.

I glare up at him, still in position from hitting the ball with the cue.

“What's with the aggro?” Az asks.

I cross to where my beer is, & skull half of it.

“That's it, I’m calling Paige.”

“She won't care,” I reply, thumping the glass down.

“What's going on with you? Did you have another fight with her?”

“You could say that,” I mutter, turning back to the pool table.

“Can't you two work it out? You’ve been back together… What? A day?”

“Well… I thought we were.”

“And?”

“And then she broke up with me.”

“ _What?!_ ” He asks, shocked. He places a hand on the white ball, forcing me to give him attention. “Are you sure you didn't misinterpret her?”

“She wants space to figure out who she is, & she wants to do that _without_ me,” I reply. “What's there to misinterpret?”

“Awww, man. I'm sorry.”

“There's _nothing_ for you to be sorry for,” I reply, sizing up my next move of pool. “The only sorry thing about this is that I _thought_ I had a chance to make things right with her.”

“Mark, I get that you're angry, but… I think it's good that she's trying to find her place in the world.”

I glare at him.

“You called her immature.”

I scowl. “I’ve _never_ called her that,” I reply. “To you.”

“Yeah,” he replies, looking a little awkward. “Sonya told me you told her that last year… When you first broke up with Paige.”

“Great, like I _really_ needed you knowing that.”

“My point is… She's growing. She's doing _exactly_ what you, me  & Gurtie have done,” he replies. “She's finding her feet, &… as much as it sucks to be cut out… You could support her choice.”

I raise an eyebrow. “So you're saying I should be fine with her giving me _false_ hope by sleeping with me twice in one day  & then deciding she _doesn't_ want to be with me while she goes on some soul searching quest?”

“Wow. You really have a way of dampening everything,” he replies. “What I meant is… It's clear that she's still in love with you… Just like you her. And I’m going to bet that she's trying to sort herself out so then she's ready to commit to you.”

I sigh, placing the cue down. “I hope you're right.”

“Don't give up.”

****

“Paige!”

I look up as I’m walking up my driveway, & stop dead when I see Mark crossing the street with a cardboard box.

“What's that?”

“Just a few things of yours I found & thought you'd want.”

My mood sinks. “Already wiping me from your life.”

“Actually… These are a few things I missed a few months ago,” He replies. “And I thought you'd appreciate the gesture of me bringing them over instead of you coming to get them & have to awkwardly talk to my housemates.”

My chest tightens- _he’s so sweet_. I take the box, my fingers brushing his, causing me to inhale sharply. I place the box down on the retaining wall at the side of the driveway,  & start to look through what's inside. Most of it is just pieces of clothing, my blue belt, &…

“My Bon Jovi CD,” I say, heart melting.

“Mmmhmmm,” he says, with a little smirk that I love so much. That slightly cheeky, slightly seductive smirk. “I know how much sentimental value that has for you. That it's the first CD you ever bought.”

Tears fill my eyes. “You remembered.”

“I remember _everything_ about you.”

That knocks the breath out of me. _Maybe I was wrong about giving him up…_

And that's when I see it, peeking out from between a few of my shirts. I pull it out, laying it carefully on top of everything else- his apricot shirt. I just stare at it.

I flashback to all the times I wore it as a dress. All the times we curled up in bed together, & he’d slowly slide his hand under it & caress my skin… And the way he told me how much better it looked on me.

I can't hold back the tears any longer. I pick it up & push it onto his chest. But he pushes it back to me.

“I want you to have it.”

“But it's your favourite.”

“Consider it a memento,” he says. “A reminder of what's waiting for you, for whenever you’ve worked out what you want to do with your life.”

I drop his shirt into the box, & wipe away the tears that are rolling down my cheeks. Before I know it, he's got me against his chest, arms around me tight. I hold onto his shirt tight. _I’m going to miss the comfort his embrace gives me. I already do._

He holds me until I stop crying… & longer. Neither of us seem interested in letting go. And I can't stop wondering if I made the wrong choice. Maybe I _can_ find who I am _ & _still be with him…

He kisses the top of my head, & then steps back, unwrapping his arms from around me. I see the sadness in his eyes.

"I know I wasn't very supportive last night,” He says. “But… I’ve had time to think it over… & I just want to say that I support you.”

I exhale, trying not to cry again. “There you go again,” I reply. “Making another sacrifice for me.”

“Actually… So are you.”

I frown. “What?”

“You're sacrificing us, in order to find who you are,” He says, with a reassuring smile. “That takes a lot of strength. To walk away when you still love me. But you're a fighter… You're _my_ fighter.”

I smile.

“And… I know that you need to do this. To find yourself, & your goal. I was reminded last night… By Aaron-” We both laugh a little. “He reminded me that I went through that, when I was about your age. And… As much as it _killed_ me to hear you say what you did last night… I know that I should be proud of you.”

“Stop… I’m going to cry again,” I reply. “I have work soon.”

He smiles. “You're refocusing yourself,” He replies. “You've learnt a lot from everything with Michelle & Dimato. It might not be clear to you yet… But you have. And you know in your heart you have to do this.” He looks at the ground, digging his hands deep into his jeans pockets. “The least I can do is support you. Not resist, & just… Let you have the space you need to do this.” He looks at me, eyes full of burning desire. “And… Hopefully… At the end of all this… The road leads you back to me.”

“Thank you,” I whisper.

He smiles. “You're welcome,” He replies. “There's one last thing.” He then pulls his right hand out of his pocket. He holds his hand up- wrapped tightly in a fist. “I kept this separate, because I wasn't sure exactly how this conversation would go.” He sighs. “Annnd… This holds a _lot_ more weight to our relationship than anything else.”

I swallow hard. “What is it?”

He moves his hand, still in a fist, until it's halfway between our chests. With his palm facing up, he slowly opens his fingers. My heart skips a hundred beats when I see the commitment ring I gave him when we got engaged.

"I've been holding on to this, all this time,” He says. “To remind me of everything that happened that fateful day. Of the mistakes we both made that led to what was supposed to be the best day of our lives turning into the worst.”

“And… And now you're giving it back.”

“Only cause I realised that it belongs to you.”

I swallow hard again. This is all too painful.

“I want you to keep it,” he says. “But I expect it back when you’ve finished finding your feet.”

My eyes snap up to his, in complete disbelief. “Wha… _What?_ ”

“I want you to come back to me,” He says. “I'm not trying to pressure you into it, Paige. I’m just saying… I promise you that, no matter what you discover about yourself, I will accept everything.” He takes my right wrist with his left hand, lifting it up & pressing the ring gently into my hand, curling my fingers around it. He then cups my face with both hands. “Because I love you.” He smiles. “And… Hopefully… Someday down the line, I’ll get to call you Mrs Brennan.”

I smile. “And we'll have a baby… Or more.”

He smirks, tears filling his eyes. He nods. “Yeah,” He softly says. “The cutest baby ever.”

I can't help but chuckle, & so does he. He then pulls me in, pressing his lips against mine for one last kiss.

He then slowly backs away, slowly slipping from my reach. He stops on the edge of the road. His eyes drift over me, as if he's drinking the sight of me in one last time. He then turns & heads back to his place. I stay where I am, watching him until he disappears from my line of sight up his driveway.

I look down at my hand, & slowly uncurl my fingers. The ring looks so big in my small hand. And so much heavier than it felt the day Doug gave it to me. Then again… A lot has changed since that day.

My eyes drift back to his house. And as I stand there staring at it, an idea hits me. I smirk, fingers curling back around the ring, keeping it safe. I turn & collect the box, heading back inside. Not just to place the box in my room, but to take my idea, & turn it into reality.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So what has Paige got planned? And how long will it take for her to discover who she is? Will she find her way back to Mark?

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed Chapter 1! Will he catch up with her in time??? Or does he just miss her???


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